A bizarre new anti-sex trend has taken over social media, with fed-up singles throwing parties to celebrate the extreme lengths they’re going to escape modern dating.
Swiping right is officially out, and going voluntarily celibate is in.
That’s according to a new trend circulating on social media, where fed-up women are buying elaborate cakes and throwing entire parties to proudly mark their annual milestones of singledom and sexual abstinence.
Instead of simply deleting their dating apps, young singles are opting to go cold turkey “boy sober” — a radical lifestyle shift that involves swearing off dates, casual sex, and male validation altogether.
The cultural pivot is so massive it was recently featured in the Netflix hit show Voicemails for Isabelle, and draws heavy parallels to South Korea’s controversial ‘4B’ movement.
One content creator, Belina Bellwood, celebrated ‘one year of no men’ with a decorative cake. Picture: Instagram/belinalilly
She took to Instagram to share the occasion. Picture: Instagram/belinalilly
The radical feminist boycott, which translates to the “Four Nos”, sees South Korean women protest systemic misogyny by taking a strict vow to completely avoid dating, sex, marriage, and childbirth.
Dating expert Sera Bozza told news.com.au that these extreme measures are an understandable response to a challenging modern dating climate.
“A lot of people are exhausted by dating,” she said.
“They’re tired of emotional unavailability, low-effort situationships, ghosting, mixed messages and the general admin load of trying to work out whether someone is genuinely interested or just bored on a Tuesday night.”
Dating expert, Sera Bozza, says the voluntary celibacy move is ‘understandable’ but she urges young singles to be intentional with the move. Picture: Supplied
The expert explained that while singles have more access to each other than ever before, it’s rarely translating into genuine connection.
“Dating apps are like social media in that you can have hundreds of followers and still feel lonely as hell,” she shared.
“Plus, a lot of people aren’t really dating, they’re browsing, or scrolling while watching Netflix, half-investing in strangers, collecting matches, having repetitive conversations and then wondering why they feel disconnected.”
Why more women are going ‘boy sober’
For author and podcaster Dee Salmin, going boy sober for nearly three years was a decision that completely changed her life.
Despite being initially unplanned due to the Covid lockdowns, the 32-year-old said the forced isolation gave her a much-needed reset.
“For the first time in my life I wasn’t dating, on the apps, talking to any guys, and having sex and LOVED it,” she said.
She went to therapy to unpack her patterns and realised she was stuck in a toxic cycle of chasing male validation and attention.
Author Dee Salmin, says going ‘boy sober’ for three years completely changed her life for the better. Picture: Instagram/dee.salmin
“Because that behaviour is normalised in dating, I just thought that was what I had to put up with if I wanted to date men,” she admitted.
“So I decided to purposely go ‘boy sober’ and it lasted nearly three years, it was the most peaceful and content I’ve ever felt.”
Ms Salmin explained that taking a break allowed her to build up her self-worth to a point where she no longer felt the need to tolerate bare-minimum behaviour.
“If more women are choosing to be alone and feeling great about themselves and then that just happens to shift cultures and behaviours, then that’s amazing.”
Ms Salmin, who’s also had a longstanding career unpacking dating trends, added that hook-up culture, dating apps, and misogyny have created a climate of low-effort, noncommittal, bar-on-the-floor standards.
“I think there’s a choice fatigue, and meeting people digitally creates an environment where you can ghost or not reply, or unlatch people and there’s no accountability,” she said.
“Dating apps aren’t designed to be deleted despite what the companies might say, they’re designed to keep you swiping.”
Many young people are burned out and fatigued from the endless swipe culture. Picture: iStock
She has since poured her insights into a new book, It’s Not Love, Actually, to help other women navigate the complex modern dating scene.
Ms Salmins sentiments are echoed by countless others.
Maddison, who has been celibate for two years, said stepping away from the dating scene was the best decision she has ever made.
“I’m reclaiming my sexuality as mine, not a performance I was conditioned to participate in,” she shared. “It’s also made me realise how much energy is exchanged during sex with another person.”
She added that the time alone allowed her to look internally and break her old habits, no longer relying on outside approval.
Thirty-eight-year-old Alexandra has also been voluntarily celibate for the past 14 months and plans on keeping it that way until she meets her husband.
“I’ve decentred men in every capacity, and I’ve never been happier in my entire life,” she shared.
Thirty-year-old Lisa agreed, noting that she has a super busy, full life without a man and has been prioritising her peace by staying ‘boy sober’ for over a year now.
Women around the world are celebrating the move. Picture: TikTok
One person decorated a cake to say: ‘Happy abstinence anniversary’. Picture: TikTok
Young people having less sex on the whole
The anecdotal evidence is also heavily backed up by data, with a recent study finding that young people are having far less sex than older generations.
The Sex Trends report by Lovehoney revealed that Aussies aged between 46 and 61 are currently having sex almost twice as often, averaging 62 times per year, compared to their Gen Z counterparts who clock in at just 36 times a year.
There’s a range of factors at play, including young people living at home longer, partying less, and seeking more meaningful, intentional encounters.
The young generations are having far less sex than ever before. Picture: iStock
Combine this with the undeniable burnout and fatigue of dating apps and swipe culture, and we’re seeing more young singles opt out entirely.
While 30 per cent of Gen Z and 35 per cent of millennials still use dating apps, a staggering 78 per cent report severe swipe burnout and scepticism.
Meanwhile, a recent social media poll also found that nearly 60 per cent of women have thought about, or gone, ‘voluntarily celibate’ as a response to the current dating scene.
A recent social media poll found that nearly 60 per cent of women have considered or have gone voluntarily celibate. Picture: News.com.au
‘Celibacy is not the solution’
While the dating app generation is no doubt feeling fatigued, Ms Bozza warns that abstaining from dating and sex altogether is not a healthy long-term solution.
“There’s a difference between saying, ‘I need a break because I’m depleted,’ and saying, ‘Men are the problem, dating is the problem, and I’m opting out indefinitely,’” she said.
“One is self-respect and the other can become avoidance.”
The expert cautioned that women who turn voluntary celibacy into a protest against dating can often end up angry and resentful.
Experts caution against an indefinite celibacy vow, instead recommending intentional breaks for those feeling burned out from dating. Picture: iStock
Instead, she recommends structured and replenishing breaks that involve seeing loved ones in person, taking up hobbies, reflecting on your patterns and reassessing your dating goals.
She also recommended putting a time frame around the dating break.
“’I’m taking four weeks off to reset’ is very different from ‘I’m done with men,’ which becomes a worldview,” she explained.
“I’d be careful not to confuse a useful reset with a whole identity.”